There was a phase in my life when I was trying to make things happen. I would spend every waking moment trying to make it happen. When things didn't go the way I'd dreamed of I was devastated and couldn't really believe it. I didn't know why it didn't go the way I wanted.
I remember the months and years I spent feeling miserable and depressed. I remember I shut myself off from the world and all things that made me happy. I’d spend all my time and each and every waking moment trying to make things right again. I tried and tried and tried. I did everything I could. Everything I could do and everything I didn’t want to do. Nothing worked. I shunned friends away, anyone who wanted me to move on or advised me to move on was my biggest enemy. I wasn't ready or okay to move on and no one seemed to understand that according to me.
Till one day I realized this was really all bullshit and I really needed to let go. I had to find the courage to let go. I spent nearly five years trying to make something work. and the next few years becoming the best version of me But despite all that I had to go through I deeply thank that situation for not working out.
If things would've worked out, I’d never be able to open my own business and befriend myself, I’d never be able to find the love I have now, I’d never be able to find the confidence I always thought I didn’t have. I’d never be able to find honest relationships. I’d never be able to be happy and fearless.
I held on to this dream of mine (or so I thought) as if without it my life would have no meaning. I’d become moody, depressed, cruel and rude. My purpose had become to make things right, as though it would matter to me and my existence. My entire life revolved around that.
I was always exhausted and didn’t have time to do the things that made me really happy. I’d forgotten how to smile and all I wanted to do was sleep. I stopped believing in any higher power and believed I was unlovable and a miserable person. I’d come to believe in the theory that I’d never find love or happiness ever.
Today, I’m here, running this successful business. Writing. Spending time with people that matter to me and whom I matter to. I’m happy and have love in my life that I’ve always wanted.
I’ve heard many people and seen many people try to do things that feels wrong to them only because they don’t want to let it go. When dreams don’t go and work according to the way we want we take it personally and try and try and try to make it happen just because it was something we’d wanted and hoped for and we’ve been taught to put others’ needs before our own.
When something doesn’t go the way you hoped for or even after many efforts pause for a moment and ask yourself –
Is this really good for me?
Deep down do I really want this?
Do I really deserve this?
Am I doing this because it proves something?
Am I doing this only because I’m supposed to?
If I was given and option to turn away or given a better option, would I take it?
These questions will encourage you to think and brutally show you the truth you’re avoiding. It will take courage and all the strength you’ve got to not pursue this and turn away. But turn away you must!
In case you feel afraid and can’t face it try this exercise –
“Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Imagine you’re a really old lady sitting on a chair. Imagine living this dream and ask yourself, as the old lady – are you happy? Does pursuing this dream make you happy? In your current state and present form experience the bodily reactions you feel while you’re asking this question. Does your body fill you up with happy energy and expand or do you feel your body has shrunk or tensed? Pay attention to the experiences and the immediate answer you get. Breathe deeply and open your eyes.”
Take the experiences from this exercise into writing and reflect on it. It’s not going to happen with one sitting, you’ll have to try this many times. It’s scary to face the truth and try the change, believe me I know. So, don’t force yourself and allow yourself to take the time. But try not to avoid the truth and be honest with your reflections.
Try this exercise and ask these questions each time you don’t think your dream is making you happy or isn’t going the you hoped it would. Whether it’s a relationship, a job, your business venture, anything you’ve dreamed of that doesn’t go the way you wanted, try this out.
Hope this article would’ve helped you get some answers and clarity you need. If you’re ready to move on and take the next step but can’t seem to figure it out, I can help.
Thank you for stopping by.
Pause, Breathe, Dream