I grew up listening to stories of prince charming and was quite familiar with the concept of damsel in distress. Just like every girl I loved sappy romantic movies. Back in the 90s most women were not acquainted with the word independent as we are today. Back in the day, women ‘needed’ to be married to feel complete or purposeful. Most books, movies, songs were so much about finding that perfect partner to feel complete. It was romantic alright, but here’s the problem. It was not true! It was far far away from reality.
Before you call me a cynic. Nope! I’m not.
I do believe in love and romance and romantic relationships.
What I don’t believe in, is that you can find “Your” true happiness in a relationship. I don’t believe that finding the true partner is going to make me happy or fix my problems.
Yes, relationships are beautiful. But they are not a tool for self-worth and problem fixers. I learnt this the hard way.
Being in a Relationship doesn’t guarantee Happiness! But happiness does guarantee a beautiful Relationship.
Think about it, if you’re not happy with yourself or with your life. Why do you think another person will have the potential to make you happy or make your life happier?
It’s essential to find happiness within you, find that bff within you before you search for it in another person.
Here’s why -
#1 - Your partner will not complete you – This is the biggest myth. Relationships don’t complete you. Yes, it’s a beautiful feeling to be in love and share your life with another person. But it doesn’t complete you. A relationship cannot keep you happy, positive, confident or solve your problems all the time. Relationships are an add-on to your happiness but not totally responsible for your happiness.
#2 - Relationships don’t help with your insecurities – Relationships will not make you feel good about yourself or help you find that self-worth. I’ve heard this so many times when women tell me, they want to find that confident guy, they want to find a guy who can understand them (read: problems, issues) but is it really okay to expect so much from a person? It’s not your partners responsibility to help you with your insecurities. You need to work on it yourself. Yes, your partner can be supportive but can’t fix your problems.
#3 - Relationships will not fill that emptiness in you – Even when you find that understanding guy, he will not fill that void in you. We all have our own lives to deal with. Our own battles to fight and our own dreams and ambitions. Since we’re all individuals it only makes sense to find that passion and purpose from your life and not from a person. Even those who are in a beautiful relationship need to work on themselves to find that passion and purpose to fill that void in their lives.
#4 - Depending on your partner for happiness will create a toxic relationship – Maybe it’s my experience by living with a single mother that helped me realize this. It has been nearly 18ish years since my dad passed away and I haven’t seen her sad or unhappy. My parents had a beautiful relationship, a friendly one. Only because they didn’t depend on each other for validation or approval of self-worth. They enjoyed each other’s company and they learnt a lot from one another as equals but they were not dependent on each other for their personal happiness.
Its not selfish to find your happiness from yourself instead of your partner. Yes, you can have a friendly relationship with your partner but you need to have that friendly relationship with yourself first. You can feel happy being with your partner but they are not responsible for your happiness. Your partner can be supportive but finding a validation from them, expecting them to always be there for you can be toxic.
I refused to marry and be in a relationship with someone because back then I wasn’t happy with myself and wasn’t confident about myself. I had no idea what I liked and didn’t like. Who I was and what my purpose was.
I didn’t want to depend on another person for my happiness. I always believed that finding my happiness was my job. The idea of being in a relationship should be about the other person, about love and compassion. Not not a way to fill a void or fix your problems.
If you are in a relationship, you have a wonderful guy but if something is not right, reflect on these reasons. Do you find your answer? If you're single and want to be in a relationship ask yourself - why? Is it to fill a void or because of love?
Work on this Prompt – “If I were to be in a relationship with myself, how would that be? What would I expect from her? How would she keep me happy?” Reflect on the answer you get.
I hope this prompt motivates you to work on your happiness.
Thank you for stopping by!