Life has a weird way of sneaking up on us when things are going just right. Especially when we’re happy and enjoying the little joys that make us feel safe and secure. As someone who believes in the philosophy that our mindset creates our reality, I sometimes wonder if it is in fact my fear and anxiety that invites curveballs in my life.

I’d read somewhere that we fear stability due to our conditioning of negativity bias. We half expect chaos in our life especially when things are going well because we’re not usually appreciative of a lot of things that tend to go well in our life when we are experiencing them. We take so much goodness for granted. This is why we see chaos as a negative element in our life when we hit a phase.

If I were to ask you, what chaos sounds like in your life, what would you tell me? How would you describe your sound of chaos?

For me, chaos in my life sounds like busy traffic or a storm when it rains. It’s not always unpleasant. At the same time, it’s also temporary and slightly bearable. It’s unexpected and all I can do is wait for the phase to pass.

I’m aware that for you, it could be something else entirely. It could be painful and difficult to cope with all the noise. I can understand you may feel restless, stagnated and perhaps hopeless too. I’m not here to tell you that it’s just a phase and it’ll pass. I’m fully empathetic to the fact that it could be very difficult to deal with and cause anxiety as well as fear.

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Before I was beginning to understand the chaos of my life and how I can cope with it, I would feel restless and impatient. I always wanted to be elsewhere and assumed that once I leave ‘here’ all that noise would calm down, and I’ll be rid of the chaos and feel good automatically.

The fact that realistically I couldn’t go anywhere and was stuck in the same place made me feel all the more anxious. And I also felt that what I was doing wasn’t good enough. I should be doing more and I should really stretch myself further.

By doing this what I didn’t realize was the unnecessary burnout that I had started to experience. I wish someone would tell me that it was okay to simply be and allow the noise to calm down. Allow the anxiety to calm down. I wish I would’ve known that sometimes it’s really necessary to stay a little stoic and find the balance instead of going at things headstrong and not getting the right kind of results.

Of course, it is easier said than done, and I’ve also fallen prey and sought comfort in online shopping, binge-watching, untimely naps, procrastinating, complaining, comparing, and seeking unnecessary advice, but staying a little stoic and allowing things to unfold has helped me look at things in a more pragmatic way.

Chaos as the name suggests is being all over the place and feeling directionless. At least in my experience. Everything on the outside looks calm and sorted, but everything from within feels messy and smudged. There’s a lot of confusion coupled with exhaustion.

I’d like to share certain approaches with you that help me when I’m going through a chaotic phase. You may or may not agree with all the approaches but I’d like to invite you to reflect on these whenever you find yourself stagnated and enveloped in chaos and mess.

• Understand your distractions – Pause for a minute and do a mental 360 turn. See what is not fitting in with your life right now. Take a look at what is odd and draining your energy. Observe where your focus is most spent. Take note of how this object of focus makes you feel. If you feel this is bogging you down try to find a way to either cope with it or reprioritize it in your life. I think distractions are a cry for reprioritizing our life. When tend to keep attaching a lot of things to us as and when events in our lives unfold. So, we are bound to get distracted.

  
  

Journal – What is occupying all my energy and focus currently? How can I reprioritize this energy to what’s important right now? How do I feel once I let go of these distractions?

• Understand your reactions – It’s easier said than done but try to pay attention to how you react when you feel messy and chaotic. When we feel messy, we do tend to get carried away with our reactions and sometimes we don’t need don’t react immediately or in great extremes. I’ve noticed that most people tend to take things personally and react that way. Some people feel that they have to react and tend to romanticize their noise as something really big. I’ve been there and each time I felt that staying stoic was not acceptable, I reacted extremely and slowly it was a pattern I later needed to shake off.

  
  

Journal – How are you reacting to your mess and noise right now? Does this need a reaction? Why do you feel the need to react? How do you feel if you give a subtle reaction or none at all?

• Understand what is in your control – There is nothing more frustrating than accepting the hard truth that there are factors that may not be in our control and sometimes we need to deal with the fact that it’s better to archive it. What gives me comfort in such moments is that maybe things haven’t really worked the way I want because perhaps the timing isn’t right. Maybe this requires more love and compassion. Maybe I’m not ready to accept what I want. Maybe if this happens organically it’ll be so much more beautiful. Maybe I need to focus on other factors in my life in order for things to work in places and areas I would like to work. Somehow, I feel it’s good to archive instead of giving up and revisiting it at a stage when we’re more ready.

  
  

Journal – What do you need to archive right now so you can feel more balanced and calmer? What are the challenges you face when archiving something that you dearly wish to work according to you right now? How do you feel once you archive this?

• Understand your limitations – It’s completely okay if you haven’t been able to figure it all out just yet. It’s okay if you’re still learning. Sometimes things take a little longer than you anticipate and that can leave you feeling messy and restless. I’ve experienced that when you are gentle with your shortcomings you find many other possibilities that can help you deal with things. I’ve felt that once we accept that things may take a little longer for us than most people, we find a way to work with those limitations easily and calmly. That has a huge impact on our thought process and how we feel about our life ultimately.

  
  

Journal – What are the limitations I need to work on? Why do these limitations make me feel messy and unhappy (blank)? Once I accept these limitations how do I feel?

• Understand your emotions – Most of the time life feels messy because we don’t tend to understand our emotions as we tend to them. We feel afraid of these emotions and due to that, we tend to misunderstand our emotions. Once we learn what our emotions are and once, we name them, life can get a little easy to deal with. We often mix sadness with anxiety and overthinking with anxiety. Once we realize that they are two very different emotions we can find a way to then cope with our current situation.

  
  

Journal – What are you currently experiencing? How can you name your emotions? Why do you think you’re experiencing this emotion? How does it feel once you name your emotion?

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I hope these simple yet effective approaches help you in some way. I would like to advise you and encourage you to go at it at your pace and try the approach that feels comfortable to you. You can also try to use these as steps instead of choosing just one or two approaches. I highly recommend that you allow yourself to understand chaos in the best way possible instead of feeling threatened by it or trying to get rid of it.

It’s almost inevitable to feel good, happy, and sorted all the time. There will be moments of unexpected chaos. When you do experience them, I hope you’re reminded of these approaches and find your calm space.

Thank you for reading!

(This article is also published on my Substack - click here to read and subscribe)