When I became a Psychologist, it was easy for me to separate my personal problems and focus on my clients. No matter how bad things were in my personal life I always managed to stay fine with my sessions and work. Which sounds like a good thing. I’d never take a day of just for me or take a break from work. I usually encourage clients to keep in touch via chat between sessions so I can offer as much support as I can. It’s always a pleasure and I always felt good to support clients but sometimes it would get very tiring and instead of addressing it right then, I’d tend to build it up only to experience a major burnout not just physical but also emotional. I realized that being hard on myself was so easy, involuntary, unintentional and yet so easy.

I’ve seen this pattern among the women I’ve worked with way too often. It often starts small but eventually becomes a part of us, our thoughts, our habits, our feelings and the way we behave with our self and with people around us.

I remember working with a client who had very strict dietary schedules because she wanted to control her weight so she could feel loved and accepted. She was always on edge and never gave herself the permission to eat the food that made her happy. She would feel guilty even if she thought of fried or cheesy stuff.

Another client ran her business with a lot of gusto but soon it was all she was doing. She started comparing herself with other business owners and experienced major burnouts and wasn’t ready to give herself a break. Eventually all the excitement about her business started to feel like work.

Sounds so small and simple and yet if we don’t understand the ways in which we’re usually hard on ourselves it can control us. So, I’ve made a list of ways we’re usually hard on our self. If you can relate with even one of the ways, try to understand it and work around it.

• You Over exert yourself

• You tend to Compare yourself with others and tend to compete a lot

• Everything is a priority you’re unable to compartmentalize

• You don’t feel good enough or Impressive enough

• No pain no gain is the philosophy that you live by

• You never ask for help or guidance and consider it a sign of weakness

• Lack of something makes you feel inferior or less than

• You don’t appreciate/compliment yourself enough

• Play it too safe because you don’t want to make mistakes

• Too much focus on perfectionism and being right all the time

• Cannot say No to all that you don’t want to do and yes to all the things you want to do

• Cannot put yourself first

• Do not express your emotions

• Try to hide your weaknesses way too often

• Feel guilty a lot and often have many regrets

• Spend too much time overthinking

These are just a few signs that may help you go easy on yourself.

The important thing to remember here is that it’s not your fault. Sometimes these small signs go unnoticed until something really big happens or you’re forced into a corner and you have no choice but to work on it. These patterns may stem from your childhood experiences, the upbringing you had and the ideas with which you were raised or events that have created a huge impact on you.

I usually use the approach of self-compassion, forgiveness and mindset reset with my clients based on their patterns and beliefs and experiences. It takes a lot of time to change and try something new. Its always easy to slip back into old habits but having an awareness of these signs can help you each time.

If this article helps you, let me know of the signs that you usually have trouble with and if you’ve ever worked on them.

If you’d like to work with me so you don’t have to deal with it all by yourself, join my coaching program asap.