When I became a psychologist and started my therapeutic practice, I assumed it would be easy for me to separate my personal problems and my professional life and dedicate my full focus and energy on my clients.

And I tried to do just that, no matter how bad things were in my personal life I always managed to stay fine with my sessions and work. I’d never take a day of just for me or take a break from work. I usually encouraged clients to keep in touch via chat between sessions so I could offer as much support as I can. It’s always a pleasure and I always felt good to support clients but, what I hadn’t realized was that it was starting to get very tiring and instead of addressing it, I’d started to build it up only to experience a major burnout not just physical but also emotional.

It dawned on me that I was being hard on myself by trying to be extremely dedicated at work and setting very unrealistic expectations from myself without taking into account my overall health and wellbeing. Unconsciously I was leaning towards perfectionism and people pleasing. These were signs enough to know that I was being way too hard on myself. I realized that being hard on myself was so involuntary and unintentional and yet so easy. And that worried me.

As a psychologist and mentor, I was trying to live by what I was practicing professionally and it worried me that I neglected my health which of course resulted in my energy levels and I had to take a break from working full time and it started affecting my self-confidence as a coach. I needed to take a step back instead of trying harder and reflect on what was happening.

As a HSP, perfectionism feels very normal. As a hsp, you tend to assume a lot of accountabilities and don’t want to disappoint anyone, so you keep at it, at the expense of your wellbeing. And that’s exactly what happened to me. I obviously wanted to be there for my clients but I couldn’t prioritize my wellbeing and toward the end, I took a big hit. And all this happens very unconsciously so its not ideal to blame yourself either.

I’ve seen this pattern among the women I’ve worked with as well. It often starts small but eventually becomes a part of us, our thoughts, our habits, our feelings and the way we behave with our self and with people around us.

I remember working with a client who had very strict dietary schedules because she wanted to control her weight so she could feel loved and accepted. She was always on edge and never gave herself the permission to eat the food that made her happy. She would feel guilty even if she thought of fried or cheesy stuff.

Another client ran her business with a lot of gusto but soon it was all she was doing. She started comparing herself with other business owners and experienced major burnout and wasn’t ready to give herself a break. Eventually all the excitement about her business started to feel like work.

Sounds so small and simple and if we don’t understand the simple yet important signs where we’re usually hard on ourselves it can control our mood, our mental and emotional health.

I’ve made a list of ways we’re usually hard on our self. Maybe you have experienced these but neglected them and just powered through or maybe you’re going through them right now and need to take a step back to reflect on them.

• You Over exert yourself

• You tend to Compare yourself with others and tend to compete a lot

• Everything is a priority you’re unable to compartmentalize

• You don’t feel good enough or Impressive enough

• No pain no gain is the philosophy that you live by

• You never ask for help or guidance and consider it a sign of weakness

• Lack of something makes you feel inferior or less than

• You don’t appreciate/compliment yourself enough

• Play it too safe because you don’t want to make mistakes

• Too much focus on perfectionism and being right all the time

• Cannot say No to all that you don’t want to do and yes to all the things you want to do

• Cannot put yourself first

• Do not express your emotions

• Try to hide your weaknesses way too often

• Feel guilty a lot and often have many regrets

• Spend too much time overthinking

These are just a few signs that may help you catch yourself before you find yourself feeling depleted. The good sign is that we can try to find ways to manage this so we don’t experience emotional and physical fatigue or find feelings of self-doubt creeping in on us.

The important thing that I reminded myself here is that this is not my fault but now that I’ve educated myself, I can try to practice to recognize them every step of the way in my life and reassess. Sometimes these small signs go unnoticed until something really big happens or you’re forced into a corner and you have no choice but to work on it.

And that’s okay too, I usually use the approach of self-compassion, forgiveness and mindset reset with my clients based on their patterns and beliefs and experiences. It takes a lot of time to change and try something new. It’s always easy to slip back into old habits but having an awareness of these signs can help you each time. It has helped me many times and helped me bounce back too.

Of these signs which ones do you think you tend to go through often?

Which signs are you neglecting right now?

What do you think is your next step, now that you’ve recognized these signs?

If this article helps you, I’d love to know your experience on being too hard on yourself and what was/is the next step that can help you feel balanced and in alignment.

If you think you need some guidance on this, I’d love to invite you to work with me by joining Pause, Breathe, Dream – 1:1 mentorship or you can work with yourself by purchasing one of the guides or journals from my e-shop.