I was in a session with a client who seemed extremely distressed and was convinced someone was messing with her life. The session went on for a while. She was looking for a way to understand how to deal with this situation of hers and move on from that. I was happy to think that she wanted to do something about her situation and we started brainstorming some ideas. But everything we discussed met with negative responses.
“This won’t help me”
“This won’t work for me”
“This requires too much energy”
“What’s the use of trying so hard”
“They only want me to suffer, my life is doomed”
“They are living their lives, it’s me, I’m born to suffer”
And on and on she kept talking about how no solution was going to help her and how she was right and others were wrong, how unhappy her life was.
I slowly began to realize she’s stuck with a fixed mindset. Despite so much chaos in her life, she still could do something about it. But the fear and anger clogged her mindset to change. She was convinced that no matter what she did her life was going to be the way it is.
She wasn’t in the state of mind to accept how much she needed to change her mindset, just so she could live a peaceful life.
Let me discuss some of these signs with you -
She avoided the challenges of working on herself by constantly saying how nothing is going to work in her life, no meditation, no coaching, no visualization, no therapy... She wasn’t up for the challenge to work on herself or understand herself at all.
She was so convinced her life is doomed that she gave up without making any effort. Not even trying to understand her situation or her misjudgement.
She just didn’t want to make an effort. She kept saying it won’t work without trying or making any effort to improve her situation.
Anything said against what she assumed to true was not appreciated by her. She took anything said against what she believed to be wrong and kept saying, “No one understands me”
She believed that those who were happy around her and near her were “trying to make her jealous intentionally”. She was sure they didn’t share their happiness but wanted to show off.
Since she opted for a 5-week program it gave us that much time to talk about her blockages and help her get some much-needed clarity and confidence in herself to allow her to live her life the way she always wanted. Not to mention once she was open to the idea that she could do something about her life she put in a lot of effort to change.
Yes, in those most harmful moments life does seem as if there’s nothing you can do about it. The point is to not get caught up in that line of thought and have a growth mindset. Where you’re more aware and less critical of your situation, self and people around you.
It’s quite common for people to think in a pattern, usually negative if they’re under extreme pain and distress. Things start becoming problematic when that escalates to a belief and a fixed mindset.
A fixed mindset is when you see things only from one perspective, whether it’s about you or people or situations. A person with a fixed mindset never makes an effort to see things in a different way.
Signs that prove you’ve got a fixed mindset
Challenges – You avoid challenges in anyway and at any cost. You simply don’t want any kind of a problem or trouble near your life.
Obstacles – You give up way too easily. You tend to move to the next and next instead of giving it all in and patiently keeping at it.
Effort – All the hard-work you do or before you do seem fruitless and in vain. You don’t think it’ll make any difference in your life at all. You tend to not want to make any effort at all.
Criticism – You don’t take criticism very well. You get defensive and somehow can’t accept the negative feedback you receive. You turn it into a personal vendetta and not even think if there could be any truth to the feedback.
Success of others – When the success of other people appears showy and unpleasant to you chances are you’re operating from a fixed mindset that people are showing off.
The reason why these signs appear to have a fixed mindset is because often times the truth is not backed up with any concrete evidence. It’s hear-say or a basic assumption based on bad past experiences. While what you feel initially could be from a place of a fixed mindset and you’re always allowed to express it in a way that causes you no more distress.
It’s just as important to slowly change the mindset into a growth mindset. Doing this will allow you to be empathetic, compassionate and you’ll attract success and happiness into your life beautifully, in my opinion.
If you have one or more of these signs my suggestion would be that you pause, ask yourself the right questions and make an effort to understand that sign better.
Once you make an effort to try to even understand it, you’ll slowly learn how to change your mindset. Needless to say, it will cause you initial discomfort and time. However, with consistent practice and application in your everyday life, you’ll experience a plethora of benefits of living a well-balanced life.
My client opted for the Mindset-Makeover program which is a 5-week program for an in-depth transformation. You can also opt for a single session if you’re looking for an intense brief session. You can find all the details here…
Take it one day at a time. Try to pause and reflect on your situation and your belief patterns. It’s essential to be aware instead of being fixed in your thoughts. This doesn’t guarantee that the people or situation will improve or change or get better but your attitude towards it will allow you to explore this safe space of balance and pragmatism.
Thank you for stopping by!
Pause, breathe, dream