5 signs that show you've a fixed mindset and why you need to change it
I was in a session with a client who seemed extremely distressed and was convinced someone was messing with her life. The session went on for a while. She was looking for a way to understand how to deal with this situation of hers and move on from that. I was happy to think that she wanted to do something about her situation and we started brainstorming some ideas. But everything we discussed met with negative responses.
“This won’t help me”
“This won’t work for me”
“This requires too much energy”
“What’s the use of trying so hard”
“They only want me to suffer, my life is doomed”
“They are living their lives, it’s me, I’m born to suffer”
And on and on she kept talking about how no solution was going to help her and how she was right and others were wrong, how unhappy her life was.
I slowly began to realize she’s stuck with a fixed mindset. Despite so much chaos in her life, she still could do something about it. But the fear and anger clogged her mindset to change. She was convinced that no matter what she did her life was going to be the way it is.
She wasn’t in the state of mind to accept how much she needed to change her mindset, just so she could live a peaceful life.
Let me discuss some of these signs with you -
She avoided the challenges of working on herself by constantly saying how nothing is going to work in her life, no meditation, no coaching, no visualization, no therapy... She wasn’t up for the challenge to work on herself or understand herself at all.
She was so convinced her life is doomed that she gave up without making any effort. Not even trying to understand her situation or her misjudgement.
She just didn’t want to make an effort. She kept saying it won’t work without trying or making any effort to improve her situation.
Anything said against what she assumed to true was not appreciated by her. She took anything said against what she believed to be wrong and kept saying, “No one understands me”
She believed that those who were happy around her and near her were “trying to make her jealous intentionally”. She was sure they didn’t share their happiness but wanted to show off.
Since she opted for a 5-week program it gave us that much time to talk about her blockages and help her get some much-needed clarity and confidence in herself to allow her to live her life the way she always wanted. Not to mention once she was open to the idea that she could do something about her life she put in a lot of effort to change.
Yes, in those most harmful moments life does seem as if there’s nothing you can do about it. The point is to not get caught up in that line of thought and have a growth mindset. Where you’re more aware and less critical of your situation, self and people around you.