As much as we’d like to try it and be spiritual about it, forgiving someone is never easy. It’s complicated and unreasonable. Despite how the mind and heart works and convinces you that it’s a good idea, a small part of the mind and heart is at war and your soul is numb.
A cold feeling that is almost impossible to understand and so much harder to experience. But we do think about it. Eventually get past the anger and wonder if all that rage was about them hurting us, or us hurting ourselves.
We wonder about our sanity, maturity and tolerance. Self-esteem is big question mark. “If I forgive, does it mean that I’ve no self-worth? I’m a coward? I’m weak?” and we usually ignore that one question we’re dying to ask ourselves, “Do I really want to forgive?” Who knows what’s the real answer to that?
In case of forgiveness its usually a truce between the mind and heart. A contract that when the time comes, the mind will do its job and the heart will do their job.
What does forgiveness mean something in today’s time?
Are we becoming more disbelieving?
Can we really truly not forgive someone?
Do they even care or wait for our forgiveness?
Or do they just move on and we’re the one’s waiting for them to feel guilty?
Forgiveness is quite a big deal. It’s one of the strongest emotions and most of the times a foundation for fear and anger. Not being able to forgive can really fill you with a lot of rage it can literally control all the happiness in your life.
So why is it difficult for us to forgive?
Forgiveness is based on two steps
Forgive yourself – I’m sure you’ve come across this many times and wondered, “Why am I to forgive myself when I wasn’t wrong, I was the one in pain.” That’s precisely the reason why. Have you even blamed yourself after an incident? Labelled yourself as stupid or dumb? Yes! Most of the times. That’s why its so important to forgive yourself first.
Forgive Others – This one is tough but important. Life is quite beautiful to hold grudges and live in pain. It doesn’t quite make sense to suffer because of someone else. Most of us are afraid to forgive because we feel that when we do -
A. We’ll need to let them in our lives again, but that’s not necessary at all.
B. We believe that if we forgive, we’ll be considered weak and lose our self-respect, in fact that’s exactly the opposite of what it’ll do. It’ll make you feel light and you’ll find yourself moving on toward the next phase of your life which’ll definitely be so extraordinary.
C. Forgiving others would require talking to them, which isn’t true at all. There are many ways to forgive someone, even without speaking to them.
Forgiving takes time, it also takes a lot of effort in the beginning. You can start by deciding whether you’d really like to forgive. Are you willing to forgive? If yes, I truly believe you’ll know how to soon enough. If you aren’t willing to, take some time out and revisit the idea again. Believe it or not forgiveness is also a conscious effort and needs practice.
So, don’t be hard on yourself if you cannot or are not willing to. Think about it peacefully and if you need any of your questions answered do reach out to me. I’ll be happy to answer any doubts you may have.
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Thank you for stopping by!