When was the last time you made an excuse?
We all make excuses sometimes its conscious and sometimes its involuntary, force of habit or a pattern. There’s this battle between “I must and I mustn’t” – this battle prevents us from taking an action. This battle is called “The Battle of Excuses” and it’s a never-ending battle where what we “must” or want to do always loses!
Your Musts/wants go something like this…
Start a new business
Look for a new job
Write a book
Join a class
Go for a holiday
Talk to a friend
Resolve conflict with someone
Contribute to a cause
Stand up for myself
Stand up for someone I love
Write an article
Ask someone out
Go on a date
Just about anything that you’ve always wanted to do... the list just keeps getting longer and longer.
In my journal prompt... “Unlearning old habits” I’ve tried to cover such habits and beliefs that prevent us from taking the plunge and take action. I’ve received feedback for this journal where women felt that their habits not only prevented them to take an action but it has paused in achieving their dreams and achieving their goals. Excuses have a tendency to turn to habits which becomes a part of our lifestyle.
So, let’s dive into these excuses –
I don’t have the time – Really? Not even for yourself? As a kid and until I reached adulthood, I really wanted to tell everyone how busy I was and how I don’t have the time. And one fine day came such a moment when I did say how busy I was and I hated it! It sucked not because I disliked being busy it sucked because I wasn’t productive, I wasn’t doing anything that was for my benefit. I started repeating this phrase, “I’m busy. I don’t have the time” like a useless mantra. Because it is pretty useless. I understand how it can appear to be a genuine reason. But in reality, it’s certainly not. Have you heard of the quote, “if it’s important to you, you’ll make the time if not you’ll make an excuse”? That’s the bitter truth of it all. So, instead of saying how I don’t have the time I started saying I always have the time to do what’s important for me. This affirmation had such a great effect on me and my life. Before my clients enroll for my services to work with me this is one thing, I tell them, “If you don’t have time for yourself, I don’t have time for you!” I know it sounds like tough love but if you want to change your life, you’ve got to find the time.
I don’t have the right resources – People who’ve reached their goals or reached at the peak of their lives and careers didn’t have all the resources when they began. Money, Space, time, Food, comfort, clients, computer, laptop, mobile, Wi-Fi, website, camera, HD photos, Instagram page, support from people, further education, etc., just a few resources that people assume they need to achieve their dreams. You’ve got to start with whatever you’ve got. Doesn’t matter how big or small you don’t need everything. When I started my work all I really had was an Instagram profile. I didn’t even know how to run a business. I made countless mistakes. I felt I didn’t have all I need to succeed (website, HD camera, many followers, money). But slowly realized that it doesn’t matter. As long as I had it in me to keep going things would improve and they did. Look. Everyone, even billionaires don’t have it all, all the time. Just start with what you’ve got and move ahead with love and confidence and I promise you, soon you’ll start to see the success.
I’m too young/old for this – Age is really just a number. Your experience is what you need to focus on. In my career, working with so many extraordinary women I come across this excuse quite often, “I wish I was a bit young/started this earlier” or “I’m way too young no one will take me seriously I won’t be able to it.” You may wonder, Is it really an excuse or a concern? In my opinion if you really want to do something and you think your age is a hindrance then without any doubt it is an excuse. I wanted to start my own studio right from the time I was studying. But I assumed I was too young to start a business. Who starts a business at 24 right? Even though my mom and brother were super supportive I kept searching for a job that could give me enough experience. Obviously, I wasn’t happy in my jobs and eventually started my business. But you see, had I’d taken the leap of faith much earlier the progress graph would’ve been different. You are never too old or too young to fulfil your dreams and reach your goals.
I’m waiting for the right time – There’s no such thing. Right time is an illusion. The way I see it, right time comes after you’ve done the ground work. Imagine if apple would’ve waited all these years and then released their products? Or if Stan Lee would’ve waited for the right time to write the avengers. Imagine if the Ambani’s would wait for the right time to delve into business? Man! The world would be deprived of sooo much. The same way, you cannot wait for the right time, you’ve got to start and the right time will come to you. Just get on with it. No matter what your fear is, it’s never bigger than your dreams. Start writing that book now, start that class now, make that appearance now, get on with your yoga now, make your business plan now, don’t worry about the consequences or outcomes, your timing will come to collaborate with you, once you start. JUST START!
What if it doesn’t work? – Can I be honest? It Won’t! The very first time you try it, you’ll suck at it, it won’t be as good as you imagined it to be in your head. I’m doing you a great deal of good by telling you this. I wish someone would’ve told me back when I young. As children we’ve been taught to be perfect instead of progress. There’s so much pressure on competition than creativity, rank rather than individuality and these traits that are thrown in our faces to accept become a part of our belief system which says, “YOU CANNOT FAIL!” if you do, you’re worthless. But in reality, away from all the books, it doesn’t happen like that. A wise woman once shared this secret, “You will fail in your first attempt but if you keep trying, you’ll come to enjoy the process which in fact what life’s all about.” Fear is natural but to go on despite it and walk side by side with it is courageous. So, don’t worry if you fail. Because your goal or dream is so much bigger than your fear!
I’m not sure how to start – This excuse is so strong that most people sometimes lose out not only on their dreams but also on their chance to live the kind of life they want to. This is also a universal fear. Uncertainty. No one has the map or a common template that is 100% sure to work. But once you decide to start and take your first step, I can guarantee that you will be given the direction you need to get on your journey. Think of it this way you want to read a good book. What do you do? You go to a bookstore or go to amazon and look at options or look for the one you want, you don’t worry about which bookstore or site to go to first. If the options are limited in one store you quickly check the other one. There’s no major strategy there. It’s the same with taking the first step in everything. Start by making a decision to start, the next step will come to you very easily. Don’t be afraid to explore it’ll widen the pool of options and make you feel more confident.
I don’t think I’m really worth it/good enough/cut out for it – I know. I know. This one is pretty intimidating. But I want you to know that its quite normal and almost anyone who starts out their journey goes through this. But don’t let it affect you or prevent you from moving towards your dream. I’ve had the opportunity to coach many women to rewire/re-frame their self-limiting beliefs and move towards their goals. And I have to tell you how amazing it feels once you transform your negative beliefs to positive. This requires a lot of work and a conscious effort on your part. You’ve got to constantly remind yourself that you’re worth it and ready to learn in areas you need improvement.
I’m still thinking about it – Yes. This is an excuse. Thinking is constant and futile without any kind of action. A lot of women try to come to a conclusion where they everyone should be happy with the decision they take. They wait for the perfect opportunity to take action, they think of way too many pros and cons and eventually get tired and decide not to work on it at all. If you keep thinking you’ll never take action. Try to work it out where you can balance the two. Don’t waste your energy thinking about it if you will not work on it eventually.
I’m going to work on this first then I’ll do what I really should do – Priority! I’ve seen a lot of women and young girls saying, “I’ll do what others need first and then I’m going to do what I really want to do” You’ve got to stop this thinking as soon as possible. Look, its great to think about others and respect their needs and its always polite to be there for someone when they really genuinely need you, but don’t allow that to stop you from doing what you want to do. I’ve met a lot of young girls who feel so obligated to do something for others that they quite often neglect their needs and wants. This is not some big sacrifice for which you’re going to be rewarded this sacrifice will ruin your happiness and your chance at a better life. Soon, you’ll get frustrated and angry and upset at the same people you’ve been sacrificing for. So, what you can do is try to create a balance between the two so you fulfill your duties and your wants with so much happiness.
I’m not that lucky – Girl, you make your own luck! There’s no secret formula that can be applied which will improve your life. The secret formula is you and how hard you’re wiling to work for it. Look. Success is quite tricky. Its enticing and rightly so. But the problem we’ve got with success is the process. We just don’t want to do the work. We get exhausted before we’ve tried and used our blood, sweat and tears (lots and lots of tears) to make it happen. That’s when we even feel our “Luck” There aren’t any short cuts, luck is not the deciding factor or the reward. It’s a great motivator if aligned with hard work.
These are a few excuses that are commonly used in our lives. So, if you want to take charge of your life. If you want to be able to make your own decisions. If you want to live the kind of life you cannot wait to wake up to. Stop making these excuses. And if you are making them, I can help. Join one of my programs or strategy sessions an area you need to work on and live your life on your own terms!
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