How to feel Hopeful Again?
Imagine this, you’ve suddenly stopped moving, everything is in this stop mode, like you’re in a small box. You can’t move. Can’t find a way out. Can’t seem to see any way out. You can’t be rescued. After a while, you stop trying – There’s no hope!
Have you been through this?
Have you heard someone say this?
“No matter what I do I’m going to always face defeat, I’m going to never find happiness, I’m not born for it. I’m cursed. Nothing good is ever going to happen in my life. I don’t want to try anymore. I’m doomed, I’m finished.” – I hear these words so many times, and from so many people.
Despite their circumstances being different and their stories being totally apart from one another, no matter how often I listen to them, they’re never easy to process. It’s painful to see someone give up hope and give up trying. It’s painful to see them so distraught that they feel they deserve this. They deserve to stay in that box, that hopelessness, that this darkness is all that’s left in their life.
The most important question to ask is this – Does this happen intentionally? Do they do this on purpose? Are they just losers? Do they pretend or fake it?
There is a concept in Psychology called – “Learned Helplessness” – typically it means that when a person keeps on facing adverse situations usually beyond their control, they stop trying to escape it and accept the helpless situation, believing that this can’t be changed.
This can happen due to lack of motivation and very low self-esteem. To feel this way is not in their control. There is no pretense. However, this can be changed.
Without hope, without motivation, movement is almost close to impossible because, how does it matter? Why bother when anyway this is not going to work? Why bother when no one is going to understand? – nothing you do will make any kind of a difference. You don’t want to risk further pain or disappointment so you don’t even try. If you don’t have faith your outcome will result in doom. Thus, proving your point that whatever you do – it doesn’t matter.
Speaking from personal experience I’ve been in that place. Where I felt so stuck that I didn’t think there was a way out of this. I couldn’t move and spent almost all my time either sleeping or crying. I couldn’t really see a way out of things. Everything felt pointless to a point where my education didn’t seem to matter, nor did my life. I started to feel that my existence is pointless. ‘People will be happier in their lives, if I am not around, so why bother talking?’
What really gave me hope was – Movement! Literal movement! I forced myself to move, indulge in some physical workout. And then, things started making more sense. It wasn’t easy and it took a lot of effort. I gave up so many times but something in me decided to keep at it.
So, I did. This is how I found my hope.
Move your body -
It helps! It can regulate your mood. Balance your energies. Our bodies have a lot of goodness locked in, movement frees that goodness and gives it a good cleanse. This helps us feel lighter and happier. Any form of movement, even walking helps.
Create a Routine –
Start with small tasks. Make the bed. Breathe. Make your tea/coffee. Try to work on small chores. If you’re working, try to include small breaks. Add new things to your daily routine. Add a skin care routine. Having a routine can help you look forward to something every day. It doesn’t matter how productive the routine appears to you. The idea is to have a routine that is regular.
Learn something new –
Curiosity is always a great motivating factor in our lives. The more your mind learns new and different things the more your mindset tends to change. There is some kind of freedom that you feel. It doesn’t matter if you excel at what you learn but the idea of learning brings in newness. This newness brings a lot of hope.
Meet people from different walks of life –
Is there someone you know who is doing something incredibly amazing? Get in touch with them. Meet them. Talk to them. People have the potential to inspire. They can motivate you to change your life and at least think in a certain way that is different.
Take up a personal project/assignment –
I highly recommend this. Give yourself a project that may interest you and if possible, fuel your passion. A small project, doesn’t need to be for monetary purpose. Something that will keep you engaged and busy. This was something that gave me a lot of hope and helped me come out of my helplessness. I had taken up a project that then also gave me hope to indulge in my creativity.
The only thing that truly gave me hope was taking action. Even if I failed, even if I made mistakes, even if I couldn’t see the point of doing it in the first place. Taking action, even if silly, gave me a lot of hope. It helped changed my mindset, helped in my confidence, helped me see many possibilities and helped me attract opportunities too.
But more than anything I had to mindfully do some positive self-talk, learn to appreciate myself, learn to respect myself. What made me lose hope, what made me feel so low didn’t really matter, all that mattered was how I was going to come out of this.