“You get to decide how your story Unfolds”
Each time I say that, I start wondering if these are just words or if they really truly do make sense. If our story is really in our hands then why do we tend to face so many disappointments and delays? You know each time I think about this, there is one word that always tends to surface – “Control”
Touched a nerve? Mine too!
This feeling of ‘wanting things to happen my way’ used to create waves of feelings and emotions within me, especially when I would feel left out and I’d start comparing myself, especially when I wanted things to go faster, when I felt as if others were achieving what I’ve always wanted and dreamed of. I would blame almost everyone, each time I felt envious and jealous. I would become impulsive, make really hasty decisions, get angry and sometimes also question my own ability. I felt as if everyone was going on a super jet speed and I was still at the ground learning to take off. This loop of thought usually made me feel extremely pathetic. I disliked my own company.
“Its kind of normal to feel all these feelings, none of these are a waste of time or totally random, they happen to you for a reason and they tend to keep happening so you can pick on it and try to understand it.” No sooner had I said these words to my client than I realized how far along I’d come in my journey. The reason I always felt as if I needed to be in control was because I was always confused with myself, paid a great deal of attention to my inner critic, and a negative mind chatter which kept discouraging.
As a person I’m not competitive at all I like to go at a pace that’s suitable to me, maybe that’s why it became easy for me to take a step back.
But this kind of attitude didn’t just fall into my lap, I had to make a few changes in my life. When I started making them, I had no idea where this would take me or what the outcome would be but I knew I some very important patterns that needed to change.
If you’ve been trying to get your life back on track especially the way you want to live, these few pointers might help you too.
I focused a lot on ‘what I wanted’ instead of ‘what I didn’t want’.
I mindfully started appreciating more of how my progress was going.
With every failure I tried to detach myself from the feeling of shame and guilt
When something wasn’t going the way I wanted, I tried to stop obsessing about it and moved on to what I could work on
I constantly reminded myself that It’s not about the outcome but about the process
I started making choices on the basis of how it would serve me rather than how good it would make me appear.
I had to say No each time I faced with a distraction and something that I didn’t want to do
I tried to understand my patterns that lead to me feeling pathetic and all the feels and anytime I recognized a pattern I had to shift my mindset.
I learnt to assume responsibility about everything that was related to me instead of blaming other people
I always practiced a kinder and gentle way to communicate with myself in case I felt uneasy or disappointed.
These weren’t easy to follow and they were extremely challenging to say the least, but every time I practiced these, I felt lighter and happier and ironically, I felt as if things were going the way I wanted.
As humans it’s safe to say that we’ve always hoped and wanted for things to go our way especially when there’s a lot at stake. There could be a big debate on whether it’s truly possible all the time but there’s enough proof that most of the time, our life goes exactly the way we want it. Doesn’t matter whether it’s favourable or unfavourable but they do go according to us. In all honesty, it’s a matter of our choices, perspective, changes and responses in my opinion. There comes a point in our lives when we reach a place where transformation becomes a necessity. Change becomes a priority. Self-healing becomes non-negotiable.
In such a time, remember these 10 ways that will help you decide how your story unfolds –
Focus on what you want
Detach from feeling of shame and guilt
Don’t obsess over what isn’t going well, work instead
Focus on the process instead of the outcome
Make choices that would serve you better
Learn to say NO
Shift your mindset
Communicate with yourself politely and gently
I hope these help you with time and regular practice. If you’d like to delve in deeper take a look at these guides and journals, designed to help you work on yourself at a pace you like.
If you’d like to invest in your growth and renew the way you think so you can take charge of your life, book a session to work with me.