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- What I had to learn about consistency - 6 points
My experience with consistency and hoping it'll help you in your journey. When it comes to the consistency it’s a very simple analogy that’s thrown around, just show up. Every day, show up and do the work that’s required of you. But often times that just doesn’t happen. Even if we do want to show up, there are those days when we just want to shut down and that fatigue and creative exhaustion then go on for a long time. Sometimes for days at a stretch. I work with a lot of creatives, freelancers, and business owners and I’ve noticed the kind of creative burnout that they experience so often. It’s not only discouraging but bouncing back then requires a lot of effort. When I had just started my career as a therapist and coach, especially when I started consulting and coaching business, I felt that simply knowing what I wanted would do the trick. All I would need to do was know what kind of work I wanted to do and things would just happen. To me, that’s what showing up really meant. In all honesty, I felt that just passion was more than enough to get going and it was certainly going to be easy to then show up. Of course, that bubble burst really soon. My experience with consistency has been tough. Each day has been a learning experience. In this article, I want to share some of my experiences with consistency and I hope it helps you in your journey as well. Failure is natural and normal – No one likes failure. It’s a bitter experience. But I experienced failure many times during my journey personally and professionally. Initially, I took it very personally. There were a lot of self-doubts and I was getting impatient when things didn’t go the way I’d expected. Over the course of time, I realized that failure is natural and, in a way, it helps to take a step back and re-evaluate things. It gave me the space I needed to grow. When it comes to consistency, failure turned out to be one of the biggest motivating factors for me. Each failure was a reminder that I needed to pause and take a hard look at things. Of course, it came with a lot of practice and compassion. What really helped me was making a list of my failures and doing a reality check or a fact check. That always helped me bounce back sooner. Sometimes the fact check made me realize that I wasn’t failing per se but I needed to give it some more time. Strive for competence instead of confidence – This was easily one of the biggest mindsets shifts that allowed me to show up each day. It’s quite common and natural to assume that confidence is key and enough to show up each day. However, I sooner realized that it’s actually competence that does the trick. In fact, what I learned was that it’s totally okay if one didn’t necessarily feel confident however competence can help build confidence over time. Practicing and learning were essential. It reduced the need for perfection and slowly with time I started feeling confident about what I was doing and showing up became easier. Success is seasonal – I think once I understood that overnight success is a myth, my journey became a lot more fun and a lot less pressurizing. The concept or the notion that success needs to be instant has always really baffled me. Somehow, I’ve never been able to grasp this illusion that as soon as you get started, you’re going to be successful. To me, success has always been a very irregular phase. Sometimes success is fast and most times it has been tough and slow. It’s a gradual process and to reach where you’d like to reach is usually not linear. I feel I’m a lot more confident when success is slow and therefore consistent. Comparison happens but is unnecessary – I’ve never really been competitive as a person and thankfully that has really helped me in my journey. I’ve always been comfortable with my pace. Having said that, I have fallen into the trap of comparison. Anytime I would come across people from my field doing the work I’m still trying to understand and do, I would feel a little left behind and feel saddened. I would almost unconsciously start to scrutinize my work and pace for a while. I would experience days of stagnation and eventually stop showing up. It would take me some time to go back and refocus and pay attention to the intention that got me started and re-evaluate my goals. Even today, when I experience a tingle of comparison creep in, I look at it as a sign of pausing and revisiting my intentions. It helps a great deal to then show up and do the work. Rely on your intuition – In my experience, when you stay in alignment with your intuition, you make the right decisions and those decisions tend to catapult your journey. It’s not always easy to listen to your intuition when you’re scared and your limiting beliefs start to speak for yourself but it’s necessary to fade all that noise and rely on your intuition. I’ve made decisions where I ignored my intuition for whatever reason and that has always resulted in unfavourable outcomes that set me back in my journey. These outcomes naturally had a huge impact on my consistency and I would stop showing up. What always helps me is to go back to what my intuition feels and try to realign my mind and body. Discipline over excuses – It’s a really traditional tip but discipline is very important when we’re speaking of consistency. I’ve noticed that procrastination happens when we’re too focused on perfection and outcome-oriented. When we tend to base our success on the outcome we potentially wish to achieve and in failing so, we start coming up with excuses which lead to procrastination and therefore there’s no consistency. In such moments, I think discipline really needs to take over. When we’re procrastinating, we’re thinking from our emotions instead of logic. And emotions have a tendency to pamper us. When we allow ourselves to use discipline compassionately over emotions we slowly start to rebuild and somehow find that motivation to keep at it. These are some of the points that I learned about consistency. They’ve usually helped me. Of course, I tend to go through days when I need a minute to refocus. Sometimes I give in to the idea of procrastination and just laziness. Consistency is an art that requires a lot of practice and intentional and mindful work. Fear and worry are normal and natural emotions when we’re trying to be consistent. But I’ve always believed that it’s better to take a mindful, albeit slow, action rather than ruminate. I hope these points help you stay a bit more consistent when it comes to your journey. I’d also like to gently remind you that if you’re interested in joining my coaching program so you don’t have to go at it all alone, please apply today. I work with creatives, business owners, and introverted and highly sensitive women to stay more productive, and confident, and manage difficult emotions, so they can feel more comfortable in their skin and attract the life they truly have been dreaming of living. Thank you for reading!
- 5 Important benefits of writing down your Goals
I’d decided a while ago that resolutions are not for me. I knew that somehow, since I can’t really stick with them, I don’t want to go on with making resolutions only because it’s trendy only to start feeling guilty about not really doing anything about it. However, I tend to get excited about setting goals, especially during January, and I revisit them during July. I am often told by clients that goal setting can be dreadful and daunting for them. Sometimes, the pressure and fear of failure can get in the way of even thinking about setting goals. Even though I understand that fear, I think most of us fail because we don’t customize it according to what we truly want to accomplish. We find ourselves mimicking what everyone else is doing and forget that it needs to be personal and true to what we would like to achieve. We start ‘should-ing’ based on what others do and that can often demotivate us or we tend to leave that goal midway. After working with many people on the experiences they have with their lives and desires, I’ve becomes aware that many people have this idea that it’s more mindful when you just wing it and allow some spontaneity instead of mapping out things right in the beginning. There’s no room for surprises or inspiration. I do sympathize with that line of thought but the problem with winging it is that the essential things simply get brushed under the carpet and we tend to accumulate too much each day thus we can lose focus and can feel too overwhelmed easily. From my experience personally as well as professionally, there is more than one contributing factor to how each of us set our goals. Some people are type A and they constantly need something or the other. Some people are type B and are okay with not taking up too much on their plate. Some people tend to enjoy a slow living lifestyle and focus only on a couple of things whereas some people live a fast-paced lifestyle and need to keep going. Some people are on this journey of transformation and want to take it one step at a time, while some people feel self-full and ready to push their boundaries. Therefore, in my opinion, it’s always better to set goals that are more personal and within one’s capacity. This way there is more room for growth. Not everyone is at the same stage in their lives and it’s okay to set goals that feel more personally inclined instead of what goals one ‘should’ set. Maybe this year is more about traveling for you. For someone else, it could be about focusing more on their body. For another, it could be about building better connections and relationships. Someone else might want to pick up a new hobby and learn more. Someone might want to get rid of their addiction and start a more healthier lifestyle. There is no right or wrong here. It truly depends on what you would like to achieve and get the best out of this year. It also could be one goal or more. It ideally depends on you. Writing our most desired goals, tend to help us stay more in alignment. There is a method to it. Writing goals down can allow us to then take the necessary steps in order to achieve those goals in the best way possible. In this article, I’m listing down some of the reasons that help in writing down goals in the hope that it may help you too. We’re forgetful beings – It’s not surprising that we tend to forget things easily. In a day we tend to have a lot of ideas and thoughts. And the more profound ones tend to stay in our minds for a period of time and as days pass those ideas start to fade as we start consuming more information. Writing stuff down makes things easier to revisit. Especially since goals can be fleeting it’s always better to write them down. Easy to access and review – Without proper access to what we ideally want to achieve, things don’t always seem to take shape. Since we can easily forget, an important piece of information or idea can just vanish from our minds. One of the reasons writing down our goals can be beneficial is so that we can easily access them when it’s time to work on it. It’s also a lot less pressure on our minds and we can now make space for other things. Improves long-term memory – When we tend to see something over and over, it settles in our brains. We then tend to remember that stuff very easily. Writing down our goals and revisiting them time and again is kind of like a practice. It helps us remember better because we’ve allowed our minds to get used to the idea by revisiting it. What we tend to colloquially call muscle memory. For some people, it’s easy to stay focused and aligned with their goals. For some people, it takes time to navigate and filter all that information to narrow down to the goal they need to work on. I often tend to ask clients to write their goals and put them somewhere they can see them as often as possible. It truly helps to stay focused especially when we feel disconnected and lost. Generated material leads to better results – Any kind of physical effort that we tend to take creates an impact on us. Even if it is writing down our goals. It requires physical and mental energy to actually write. The more we write the more it tends to get ingrained in our minds. Using our hands and our bodies means that we are making something. We’re creating something, that leads to beneficial results. It comes from within. It comes from our deepest desires and motives. That often feels very satisfying in a way. Even if it’s just writing down a few goals. We tend to get a rush and we feel enthusiastic, even if briefly. That rush and satisfying feeling can work brilliantly if we’re more patient with our goals. Makes your goal real and achievable – When it’s an idea or a thought we can easily brush it away by saying that we aren’t good enough or not yet ready or it’s impossible and it’s wishful thinking. It starts to feel scary and daunting. So, we never get to it and oftentimes we tend to miss out on wonderful opportunities and possibilities. Writing down our desires and goals is an indication to our mind and body that we’re now ready to give this a shot. We’re now ready to work on something that’s important to us. It could be as simple as buying that expensive bag you are afraid to invest in or starting a side hustle. Writing down our goals can make things less scary and more believable. There is now something physical that you can hold on to and revisit. These are very simple reasons that have worked for me each time I’ve needed to set goals. I would also like to encourage you to go old school and literally write your goals down on paper instead of writing them down digitally. Of course, feel free to make multiple copies just so it’s easily accessible to you. But I would like to encourage you to write the first goals on paper. You can get creative with it by creating vision boards, or writing them down digitally. I tend to use “Notion” it’s a simple yet highly effective tool that can be accessed on your laptop/iPad/phone. Allow yourself to be kind and gentle with your goals and try to take it one step at a time with them. I hope you achieve all the goals you set for yourself. Thank you for reading.
- The need to run away
Wouldn’t it be amazing If we could all escape to the woods and lose in the beauty of nature? Unwind and breathe in the fresh air. Or sometimes just run away because we want some peace and quiet? I feel that way too sometimes. It’s mostly because I’ve experienced severe burnout. I experience a total shutdown and can think of nothing else but, sleeping. There’s a stiffness in my neck and shoulders all of a sudden and it takes a minute for me to realize that this is a sign of burnout and exhaustion and that I need to slow down or take a break. I often hear this when I’m working with my clients too. The need to run away is usually quite high. Of course, there’s no judgment here because it’s quite a natural thing to experience when we take on too much on our plate. We’re also beings who tend to attach very easily to control. We trap ourselves in a time frame and a conditioned frame. This leads to a lot of tunnel vision and soon thereafter we experience a total shutdown. This can happen even when we’re not actively doing anything per se, but spend a whole lot of our time worrying about a lot of things at once. As someone who tends to worry a lot, I completely understand how natural this becomes for most of us. Especially if you’re a highly sensitive person, worrying can be as easy as breathing. And we reach a stage where we want to drop everything and run away, just to energize and cut the noise that’s now on a high decibel. As delightful as moving to the woods sounds, we are bound by our day-to-day activities and that can make it extremely impossible to just pack up and go. In this article, I want to give out a few tips that could temporarily help with the noise and chaos. Acknowledge the need to run away – As simple as this tip sounds, not all of us are good at acknowledging it. We tend to keep at it and stay in denial for as long as we can push it. There’s always this feeling of guilt that’s usually attached to taking a break or even admitting that you’ve simply exhausted yourself and can no longer find the will to do anything. I’ve often heard clients talk about admitting their exhaustion as a sign of weakness. They bring a lot of “should-ing” when they speak to themselves and eventually there’s no potential energy left. They are just at it and I’ve often heard people complain about headaches, body pains, and emotional outbursts. These, of course, are not healthy signs. There’s only so much your mind and body can take. So, if you find yourself feeling depleted in your energy take a minute to check in with yourself. Face the worries and fears – I think we often tend to bury ourselves at work because we haven’t been able to take time out to focus on all the fears that tend to follow us anywhere, we go. Work is a great distraction but too much of it leads to exhaustion and burnout. In a way, running from our fears is one of the major reasons we want to run away, period. Here’s something I’ve experienced with myself and my clients: we often assume that if we keep ourselves distracted, we won’t think too much about our fears. And it’s an open secret that it usually doesn’t work that way. If we do face the fear and admit it to ourselves then it is possible that the intensity of that fear reduces and we do get the necessary answer that tends to calm our nerves. Reduce the need to complain – As harsh as it may seem, stop complaining. The more you complain the more you get sucked into the already depleting mood. Sometimes things may not be as big and huge as we make them out to be. We do find the idea of romanticizing our problems very charming and it makes us feel important. That little bit of a tantrum helps us feel good. I’m not here to say that you shouldn’t complain at all. I obviously understand the need to complain and vent. I’m here to simply say that sometimes what feels big in the morning, feels very very tiny by the end of the day. Sometimes, our reactions can sway us into believing that some things are too much for us to handle and we need to react in order to make us feel important. The more you rant and complain about it, the bigger it gets. The more you overthink, the more you feel like running away is the only solution. It's okay to allow things to unfold without your extreme and intense reaction. Avoid the blame game – A lot of times burnout happens when we tend to blame our helplessness on someone or something. Maybe it’s that annoying boss or that workload, maybe it’s the fact that you can’t find the money to go for a trip, or that you’re waiting around to be asked by people, etc., these are some of the reasons (read: blame) that my clients have given me often. Even though all of them seem valid and right, oftentimes they aren’t really accepted because there isn’t anything one is doing about it. It’s easy to pass blame because then, instead of an excuse it becomes a reason. It may not be intentional but it slowly becomes a pattern. Sometimes it’s may take time to make it happen. Sometimes it may not be as straightforward as asking for a break but it’s possible if we stop playing the blame game, make things personal and pragmatically find a way to work around what can be managed and the necessary steps that might be required. You may not agree with all the points I’ve given here and that’s okay. Take your time to process how these points can be affecting your peace and quiet on a regular basis. It’s certainly not wrong to want to run away. It’s normal and natural. However, not all of us have that option. Also, running away may not be the best solution all the time. In my years of experience working with mostly type A women, the battle between needing to run away and productivity is very high. Whether the pressure is from work or home or both. It’s no longer about what feels easier. As women, whether working women or homemakers we often think the grass is greener on the other side. At the end of the day, it’s more about emotions, thoughts, and feelings than the kind of work that’s responsible for the need to run away. So be kinder to yourself and allow yourself to take a break from time to time. Your worries can wait. Your work can wait. Don’t wait till you reach a point of saturation. Try to find a balance.
- 3 points to remember when trying to find an anchor in tough times
It’s a true privilege to have someone one can call their ground, their support, their anchor. It’s not about feeling helpless when seeking that anchor, it’s about great comfort in being vulnerable with someone reliable and compassionate. They say setbacks are inevitable. They are an intrinsic part of our life. They say in setbacks there’s a valuable lesson. However true, it may be difficult to survive that setback without support. Without someone to hold on to, it can be difficult to beat the hopelessness that seems too quick to befriend us in our worst moments. Your anchor, your support is your most trusted advisor and your biggest cheerleader. We may find ourselves holding on to things that give us great comfort without realizing it. That song, that place, that book, that movie, that smell, that person, that advice, that hug, that memory. Anything or anyone can be your anchor, your support. Have you had or do you have something like that in your life? Maybe you didn’t pay too much attention to it or didn’t occur to you before. Maybe it did but you didn’t want to seem too dependent on it. Maybe you assumed it would make you appear and feel weak. And that’s acceptable. It’s okay to want to be self-reliant. It’s okay to not feel weak. Make Appreciation a ritual – Sometimes we forget to make appreciation a priority. We tend to take that support for granted even if unintentionally. Having a small everyday ritual can help bring awareness of all that acts as our anchor and support when we face something terrible. Appreciation in itself is a great support and anchor. According to research, when we appreciate more, we tend to attract good things as our perception easily shifts to good things happening in our lives. Let go of self-pity and judgment – Everyone needs an anchor. A support system. It’s okay to seek that support when you really need it. It’s okay to be vulnerable with that support. A lot of times, we tend to judge ourselves when we ask for help or seek comfort from that support system. We go into a phase of self-pity and instead of finding comfort in a healthy way we tend to feel depleted and inferior. React less to the circumstances – The way we react to our circumstances makes a huge difference in the way we think and feel. Sometimes we’re too rash and harsh in our reactions and therefore instead of seeking comfort, we find ourselves feeling very chaotic and messy. We find ourselves stuck and can’t seem to move. We start ruminating instead of pausing. The less we react to our circumstances the more our anchor can be of use to us. Ideally, our anchor helps us stay calm and pervert us from further inconvenience. We live in an illusion that we’re completely self-reliant. We forget that we’re constantly receiving support. We perhaps realize it too late when it’s taken away from us. But we always have an anchor to hold on to.
- 3 Simple tips to help with your creative block
It’s not uncommon for me to receive texts from people saying they experience burnout and go through stress when it comes to their creativity. Especially if their creativity is also their means of income. It can be quite challenging for people to show up every day when they experience this kind of block. I remember someone telling me, “How do I get out the writer’s block?” I instantly responded, “you write anyway” and it was difficult for her to comprehend. How can one show up if one is stuck? How can one get ideas if they’re stuck? And it’s understandable. It can be difficult to move and think when creativity is blocked or one feels unmotivated. I’ve been working with creatives for the past 10 years now. And based on my professional experience I’ve seen that these few tips have helped my clients break that stagnation and slowly get back to that creative phase. Do it for yourself first – It can get a bit difficult to separate the passion from the profession and sometimes it’s the profession that tends to cause unnecessary stress. When we try to create something from a place of responsibility and the burden of deadlines or perfection or fear of failure, we can’t experience that free will of making something just because. Creation requires a calm mindset and it requires space for trial and error. Creatives, from my experience, are not particularly afraid of failing, they know it’s a part of creativity. Though they do get caught up in the web of perfection, deadlines are not something they’re particularly fond of. This causes a lot of blockages in their ideas and they eventually don’t feel like showing up. Irrespective of whether you’re trying to do something professionally or maybe even to showcase on social media (podcasters, YouTubers, influencers) try to do it just for yourself first. Put yourself before your clients/customers/followers/viewers etc., Do it just for your happiness without the pressure of others. Creatives tend to work from a place of their vibe and feel. You may never want to go ahead if you don't feel it. Your feelings will be reflected in anything you create. So, try to do it for yourself first. Start small – If you’re getting back to creating, start small. Instead of trying to do everything at once try to take it one step at a time. Usually, when you get back to creating something, there’s a rush of energy and motivation that makes you want to do a lot of things at once. And you perhaps want to finish the entire project at once. This tends to cause exhaustion; when you come back the next day, you barely have the energy left. Ideally, it’s good to take it slow and take it one day at a time. It’s good to start small and build slowly. Starting small also helps build consistency and with practice you regain confidence. When you do this, you leave space for more, which can help you come back easily to do the work that matters. Start small and leave space for more. Balance the ratio of creation and consumption – We tend to consume a lot of content every day and while it’s essential to do research it can sometimes get very overwhelming. Every content you absorb tends to take a lot of your mental space; therefore, instead of inspiring you, it drains you or you tend to start competing and eventually drain yourself which causes creative exhaustion and block. In my opinion, what might help is to balance out that ratio by filtering the data you take in every day. Being more mindful about what you consume daily via books/social media/people leaves space for creativity. I hear my clients talk a lot about how they get influenced when they look at all the work their contemporaries are doing and it often leads to comparison. It’s understandable to want to be the best and want to do incredible work but if we remember the balance, we need to maintain, we may cope with creative blocks peacefully. These are of course very simple tips that you may have heard before but they’ve been very helpful with my clients as well as in my creative blocks. I hope these simple tips help you slowly create again.
- How to show up consistently with these 4 tips
One of the most challenging aspects of making changes is consistency. Showing up for what you really want and desire each day can be challenging. The initial phase is always very euphoric. There’s a thrill and enthusiasm at the beginning. But the reason most people don’t achieve what they intend is that the fizz dies down soon enough. The excitement fades away. Slowly, there’s a lot of fear and uncertainty attached to the desired outcome. And eventually, the desire feels like work and it feels like too much pressure instead of something that could potentially make you happy. In my years of experience in working with clients to guide them to be clearer and more confident about living the life they truly desire, I’ve learned that consistency makes a lot of difference. No matter what happens to still do the work and keep at it. Of course, there are dull days and scary days, but it’s important to show up to do the work, especially on those days. But I’ve seen a shift in energy and the results they achieve when they do the work consistently. When I had started to understand how energy, self-concept, and goals work in such a magical alignment I wasn’t really aware of the results I would achieve. In the beginning, it felt chaotic, and to be honest with you, simply impossible to achieve my desires. I knew how energy works theoretically. I knew how important it was to reconnect with myself and understand my worth, confidence, my potential, and who I really am. It was difficult for me to look at my fears because I was worried, I would inadvertently manifest them again. I also knew that my limiting beliefs held me back from achieving or even admitting that I had these goals. In my own words – “I have big dreams but I can never achieve them, it’s impossible for me.” I’ve come a really long way to now saying – “I have big dreams and I can achieve anything I want.” Have you ever felt afraid to say that you can achieve all that you want because there’s a sense of hopelessness in you? Is there a belief of hopelessness in your desires? Do you catch yourself saying that you shouldn’t even think of dreaming big because that’s just never going to happen? I completely understand this feeling. I hear this often when I work with my clients. I used to say it too. But I now understand the power of mindset shifts and simple tools that can help me achieve anything that I set my mind to. I don’t know what you would like to achieve but, in this article, I want to share a few tips about how you can be more consistent in order to achieve all that you want. These are very simple but very powerful tips that have made a huge difference in people’s lives. Hope they help you too. 1. Clarity on the Big Picture – Believe me, I know how frustrating this can be. Clarity is something I spent and still spend so much time on. I need to know what I want before I set out to work on it. It seems like the basic thing, right? But when you actually get started, the major questions follow then which leads to confusion and chaos within the mind. I’ve known to oscillate between whether I really want this particular desire or whether is it not that worthy or important to spend my energy and focus on. Am I on the right path by choosing this need or want or goal? And sometimes the answers don’t come very easily. I’ve often found myself making a pros and cons list of how will my life look like if I get what I want and if I don’t get what I want. What does the big picture look like? Is working on this worth the effort? So, if you’re still trying to work on the big picture and trying to get clarity on what exactly is it that you want, please be patient and allow yourself to think beyond your own fears and limiting beliefs. Allow your imagination to take over and think for you. This is something I tell my clients all the time they feel stuck or dull. Having clarity makes showing up easy so spend a good amount of time on it. Allow yourself to get started without too much hesitation or doubt. Sometimes clarity also comes from actually getting started. And remember, you’re allowed to change your big picture if you change your mind. 2. Reframe the mind chatter – Your mind is always going to challenge you from time to time. If you’ve come across the term ‘inner critic’ (it’s just your own mind trying to criticize you) will show up more often than you consciously remember as you get started on your goals and dreams. Your mind is used to the limiting beliefs and has been giving you the same perception of all that you’ve been repeating to it constantly. If you’ve come across the term ‘negativity bias’ (it’s the tendency to expect danger in the face of something unexpected or uncertain) our mind is used to perceiving danger as soon as we try to shift the mindset. In order to calm the mind chatter, try to show up compassionately for yourself and keep appreciating yourself. I often use positive affirmations to change my mindset shift. I have a conversation with my inner critic and remind her that this thought is from a past trauma or incident and I no longer need to be afraid or worried today. Speaking and comforting my inner critic soothes me and I see a sense of a shift in my mindset to something more calming if not positive. It's easy to get swayed when the inner critic shows up. It’s easy to believe everything your inner critic tells you but you can choose again to think differently and believe differently. It’s not that difficult once you get started. With regular practice it actually gets easy. 3. Focus on the intention, not the timing – It’s kind of normal and natural to focus on when you will receive the desired outcome. We rarely like to wait and often get impatient as the days keep passing and we don’t see tangible movement toward the outcome we want. It’s obvious to question and have doubts. But what helps me is the intention toward this goal or outcome. I question myself and keep asking myself, why do I really want that? What’s my reason? Knowing this helps me stay on the goal and the distractions tend to fade away. It can appear very daunting to keep going toward something you may not be sure of achieving and having strong intentions helps to show up. Practicing a lot of writing the goals has usually helped me a lot emotionally and mentally. I would certainly advise that you journal as much as you can. 4. Understand how you show up – I’ve always believed that you receive the way you show up. If you’re going to show up with anxiety, fear, and confusion, that’s exactly how your journey will unfold. However, if you show up feeling confident, mindful, balanced, and calm that’s how the journey you’ll unfold. It’s okay to get impatient and feel restless from time to time when you’re trying to achieve something and working on your goals but, the calmer you are the less anxious you feel and therefore you attract the desired outcome and goal faster and with the least resistance. Uncertainty is natural but it doesn’t have to be very intense or full of fear. It can be easy if you do the required work. I’ve found these tips to be very useful to stay dedicated to your goals and work. Not to mention patience, gratitude, and kindness are tools you always need with you irrespective of how your life unfolds. I believe that with consistent work and belief you can certainly achieve all that you really want and desire. It’s a journey that is definitely worth the effort and dedication. I’d like to also mention that you may fully resonate with these tips and you may not connect with them and that’s okay. Take what you feel works for you and leave what doesn’t. My intention is to make sure your energies are in sync with your intentions so you may attract better and faster. Since these are generalized tips, you may need to make them work for you instead of following them the way they are. Take a moment of your time to see how these can be customized for you right now. Please remember, keep living your life and adding a lot of happiness each day. Don’t allow anything to stop you from living your life. You will easily achieve your desired outcome if you show up consistently and gracefully. Thank you for reading.
- 5 ways to reframe the fear of uncertainty
As someone who gets anxious easily, I’ve always felt uneasy not knowing things. I tend to get worried and there are days when my anxiety gets the better of me. Especially if I’m waiting for something to happen. I suppose I’m used to looking at uncertainty in only one way. And recently I’ve been evaluating my thinking process. I’ve been asking myself questions and it hasn’t been easy, but I’ve come across this different way of looking at things that I didn’t before. I stumble many times when trying out this new way of thinking and it is a lot of work. But I’ve never shied from hard work before, so I do bounce back each time I lose my focus. So, here’s a new way of thinking, what if the fear of uncertainty was looked at with enthusiasm? Do you think it would change the way you looked at uncertainty? I tried it, and I have to say, it was quite nerve-wracking in the beginning. I was worried of course but I was also starting to feel excited. The fear of the ‘worst case scenario’ had started to slowly fade away. It did crop up if I was at all triggered in any way, but I tried. I still have a long way to go for this kind of mindset to take over and frankly, I would love for it to take over. It’s a funny thing, when I work with my clients and offer them a different perspective on something that makes them anxious, they get excited about reframing their mindset. They feel so optimistic that I start to realize just how powerful our minds can be. It only takes a couple of seconds to make that shift. Such a wonderful thought to reframe fear of uncertainty to feeling enthusiastic about that uncertainty. I’m going to talk about certain points that will help you with reframing this thought or belief concerning uncertainty. Review of the risks you’ve taken in the past – Whether you realize it or you don’t, you have taken risks before where you felt uncertain regarding the outcome. Take a moment of your time to revisit those risks. Whether it was the risk of leaving a relationship, getting into a new relationship, signing up for a new job/project, leaving an old place, or starting somewhere new. These were risks where you couldn’t have known how the outcome would be. Despite the uncertainty, you did take them. I don’t know how they fared in your life but I imagine they served you well in some way if you’re here reading these words. My point is, you’ve already experienced uncertainty and back then too it must’ve felt how you feel today or on most days. I would like to invite you to keep reminding yourself that you’ve navigated these waters before, you can always navigate again. This time try to feel more secure than you do. Eye on your vision and goal – I can understand that with uncertainty comes a lot of impatience. And impatience is known to ruin so much energy and enthusiasm. Even though I understand that it’s normal to start to feel impatient after a while, I still feel like we can always have a lot of control over it. I tend to try to retain my optimism and enthusiasm when impatience starts to increase is by realigning with my vision and my goal. I write down my goal and the things that cause impatience in this journey. I allow myself to fully experience that impatience inward. I acknowledge it and quite beautifully what follows are important questions that I ask myself. It takes a minute to understand how this works and it’s even harder to describe or articulate. But every time, I write down my goals and my vision and the things that cause impatience I’m automatically hit with a wave of questions that eventually give me answers that make me calm down. I guess you need to try it to experience what I’m talking about. Change your self-limiting beliefs - If you haven’t heard this before, let me be the first to say it. Most of the time your fear of uncertainty comes from a place of your own self-doubts and limiting beliefs. It comes from a voice within you that doesn’t think you’re worth it. The voice of your inner critic that gives you so much evidence of failure and ruin that you succumb to that voice. You don’t challenge that voice because you’ve been convinced that you’re not worth the outcome you hope for. And the more evidence you give your mind the more it tends to show you exactly what you believe. That’s how perception works, and this adds to the fear and anxiety that you already have. Thus, preventing you from doing anything about it. Re-read this again if you need a minute to understand. If your mind is convinced that you’ll never get the job you seek because you’re not good enough and there are better people to fill that role, you’ll only see your limitations and feel convinced that you’re not fit for the job. Naturally, this will cause further fear of uncertainty. Try to work against the limiting beliefs and try to challenge them by motivating yourself, using words of appreciation, and trying positive self-talk. Being comfortable with Choices and Regrets – Have you ever wondered how is it that you’re so comfortable with the choices you make where you’re certain of the things you don’t want but so afraid of the uncertainty of things you want or desire? I’ve always felt that and I’ve been questioning that more and more recently. I’ve come to understand that we’re afraid of the consequences of the choices we make. We don’t wish to regret and go through the discomfort of all that a wrong choice may lead to. That fear is why we’re so hesitant of making choices where we desire or want something. Reason Logically with a best- and worst-case scenario – Sometimes there’s a lot of relief in the old-school way of thinking. Regular list of what could be the best case and/or the worst case for any uncertainty in a situation that you could be dealing with. I would like to suggest that you try to look at both scenarios from a fair point. Don’t let the worst-case scare you. In my opinion, it’s always better to look at the worst case to understand what’s truly going on in your mind and how you feel so you may then work on it in the best way possible. I find using positive statements and challenging the belief really helps. It also helps to understand your insecurities better. It helps to stay prepared if the worst-case scenario would turn out to be the outcome. Lastly, I’d like to leave you with these three journal prompts on uncertainty that usually helps me. Take a moment to pause anytime you’re going through uncertainty and journal these questions. I find that writing them in an actual book could be most beneficial. In what way does uncertainty scare you? How do you feel about uncertainty? What risks have you taken or want to take in your life? How can you create possibilities and overcome the fear of these risks? You can also meditate with this affirmation from time to time. “I’m always eager to learn something new. I embrace uncertainty and unfamiliar territory.” If you’d like to share something with me or ask me a question, please feel free to write to me at email@example.com or DM me on @nikitaavyas If you’re interested in working with me one-on-one please take a look at my C+C program. If one-on-one feels daunting to you, you can work at your own pace by purchasing one of the journals or guides from my shop. You can also subscribe to my paid newsletter called, Nikita’s daily reminders where you’ll receive words of comfort, encouragement, appreciation, and support. Thank you for reading. Pause, Breathe, Dream Nikita
- The 17 important benefits of dressing well
Did you know that it’s actually possible to feel very confident, and energetic and attract the right kind of people if one is dressed well? I understand and relate to the thought we have most of the time when we feel that confidence is about the mind more than any external factor but over the past few years of working with women, being an entrepreneur and creative myself, I've come to learn that there are a great many benefits of making the effort to dress well. When the pandemic hit and most of us started working from home. It was such a relief to not have to dress up and attend work and meetings in shorts and PJs. I know that feeling really well. That was a blessing for most people. However, things started getting back to normal and this comfort started becoming a huge problem for those who started getting comfortable with their comfort wear. Believe it or not, I’ve heard many people complain about feeling super lethargic about work. The more we discussed the more we realized that attire played a key role in energy levels. When I had a discussion with them about literally trying to make an effort in how they dress, even if at home, they started feeling a shift in their energy. Many others recorded that they missed the routine of picking out clothes for their work every morning. Said that this routine was a way to help them prepare for their long days. Something they missed when the pandemic hit. Would it also surprise you to know that most people when they worked from home experienced lethargy in such a way that they got into the habit of not bathing and constantly roaming around in their night clothes? When asked, they said, “no one is going to see me anyway” I’m definitely not talking about going over the top, but it doesn’t hurt to make an effort to look presentable for the sake of one’s energy. I work with entrepreneurs, and I hear them complain about their staff looking so unpresentable during meetings online that it tends to get very demotivating at times. It honestly didn’t occur to me but when I started to reflect, I did realize that I faced this issue with my clients too. I’ve had clients attend sessions with me in their night suits and nightgowns! It goes without saying that when you are still in your night clothes, you are less likely to make a productive change in your life. Productive is the operative word here. When you are out there, people look at you. They take a guess at your personality by the way you carry yourself and the way you dress makes a huge impact on that. You either leave an impression that is good or that can be damaging. You are a brand and the way you dress is an extension of that brand. So as strange as it may seem, I want to share different benefits of dressing up – It boosts your confidence It helps you stay more energetic It’s a form of self-care and self-love It encourages creativity It helps you stay more disciplined and consistent It helps you achieve a feeling of accomplishment It can make you happy It can help make a great first Impression You attract more happy and positive energy You learn to give yourself respect and importance The way you dress can reflect how you feel It helps build better social connections Colours and the right accessories can also help people stay more attentive to what you say You appear more trustworthy It shows you are interested in your audience (the people you are meeting or in the company of) It’s a great way to upgrade the standards you’ve set for yourself Your mindset will shift from ‘anything is okay’ to ‘better quality’ I can keep going on and on but I think you’ve got enough to start with. Please remember, quality is not about being expensive, it’s about how you carry yourself. As a brand, what exactly are you trying to tell people? What is the impression you want to leave with them? I remember obsessively googling how to dress like Meghan Markle, at one point. I was inspired by the way she looked and the aura that she always left in my mind. That energy inspired me to take the effort. Don’t worry if it doesn’t naturally happen. It takes a lot of trial and error to be comfortable with your branding and the kind of clothes you feel represent you best. So, try and don’t feel shy to experiment a little. Take the help of a friend who knows you and fashion. Follow influencers and designers you feel you connect with. Follow women who dress the way you might love to. Learn by taking inspiration from them. It’s never too late to make these changes in your life. But don’t allow ignorance to ruin your chance at building an image that might just change the way you feel about yourself and allow the world to look at you the way you want them to. Especially as a business owner, and entrepreneur, you are the face of your values, principles, your personality and it’s so important to start making these shifts as soon as you can. I’ve heard time and again that one should make these changes only for themselves and that might be right but you are also accountable for how the world sees you. It becomes your responsibility to then show up in a way that truly represents you. You can’t take the world for granted and expect them to do that work for you. If you’d like to be taken seriously, you need to make the necessary effort. It's not at all being overconfident or weird or too bossy or anything you’re afraid of being called when you make that effort. I used to feel that way too when I was in my teens, I didn’t care for vanity. But I do understand now, after years of working with women and guiding them toward building their image, I do understand how much we undervalue certain things in our lives. I hope this article, inspires you to make an effort the next time you step out. Pause for a moment to think about how you might represent yourself and what impression you’d like to leave. If this helps you in any way, I’d love to hear all about it. Please write to me at firstname.lastname@example.org or dm me on Instagram. Thanks for reading and supporting as always All my love, Nikita (Psychologist for Creatives, entrepreneurs and introverted women)
- 6 simple tips to improve productivity
Let’s try a little different way to improve our productivity. Instead of starting the day with our to-do list, let’s make a change and see the differences it may bring to our motivation and overall productivity. But before that I want you to take a small pause to understand that there is no right way or one way to increase productivity. Especially on days when we’re going through or experiencing a slump or if we’re in a funk. So, it’s okay if this approach may or may not work for you. But I want to encourage you to give this a shot at least once or twice just to see how you feel about it. If there’s a shift in your mindset or energy. In my experience, all of us have those days when we get bored of a routine or when our to-do list looks extremely scary and overwhelming. Most creatives and entrepreneurs I’ve worked with have complained most, if not all the time about feeling too exhausted right at the beginning of the day, so they tend to find ways to escape, taking the flight response and just don’t show up to do the work. They procrastinate and end up feeling very guilty over not showing up to do the work. We’ve all been there. It’s okay to skip a day of work to recharge but it soon tends to become a habit because we got away with it that one time and before we realize it, we’re repeating this pattern often. When you realize or become aware of repeating a pattern that’s the first and the most important step towards making a good change. The idea is not to punish yourself but find ways that will help you feel motivated once more to get back to that routine. Here are some tips that may help you with that. 1. Make an accomplished list before your to-do list – Try to make this change and notice how your body reacts to this change. Usually, when I try to make this change, I feel energetic and happy, which motivates me to get started and get on with my day's activities. These accomplishments don’t have to be huge and a game changer, they could be small too. As long as they are meaningful to you and something you’re truly happy about. In my guide, get things done, I’ve mentioned how important it is to make this accomplishment list. How important it can be for our productivity and goals when we write it down. It doesn’t seem impactful when we just say it but makes all the difference when we write it down. So don’t feel lazy about writing it on actual paper with an actual pen. Make a note of how this feels to you. 2. Share an accomplishment with a loved one – There are always certain people who have your best interest in their mind. Your cheerleaders. We have this tendency to share only bad news with our loved ones, but what about the good stuff? What happens when you share the good stuff? I think it doesn’t even occur to us most of the time that we should share the good stuff too. Why don’t you try this out, start your day by sharing a piece of good news or an accomplishment with someone you know will not snub you. Does that have an effect on your productivity? Do you feel motivated and inspired to do more? It’s similar to writing an accomplishment list, only that you are likely to have a two-way conversation. I don’t always choose this, but it does help sometimes. 3. Listen to someone else’s achievement/success story – I woke up to this message that a follower left me. She talked about this achievement she had in her life very recently and she was overjoyed with the feeling and excited to share that with me. I loved the way it made me feel. I was struggling in my life at that moment and her message was so kind that it inspired me to keep showing up, no matter what happens. I was happy on borrowed happiness, from the news from my follower and I couldn’t wait to start my day. It was a different energy and I wasn’t going to waste it. I invite you to give this borrowed happiness a shot and see the impact it has on your productivity. Just try and see. 4. Start with something easy – Speaking of tasks/activities, I recommend that you start with smaller tasks instead of heavier and intense tasks that require a lot of energy. Especially the days you feel as if you’ve got to push yourself a lot. It’s not fully productive but it’s also going to help you move and get you started. Once you get into the groove, you can take it from there. Every time I’m in a funk, and If I’ve to write an article, I start with research instead of article writing. It helps me get in the groove and prepares me for when I start writing the article. I highly recommend this! 5. Change your scenery/place of work – I think when we’re in the same environment the walls start to close in. When that happens, I don’t know about you but I feel lazy and sleepy. I don’t get new ideas and start to turn to all the things that can help me procrastinate. When that happens, I change my place of work. I’m lucky that my work allows me to work from a café and I happen to take my laptop there and start to work. Changing the scenery helps me with my productivity as I feel less motivated to procrastinate and more focused to work. 6. Have a good breakfast/meal before you get to it – This is something a client told me helps her when she’s overwhelmed with her day. She mindfully and peacefully makes a good breakfast for herself and enjoys it in silence. After that, she gets started with her day and finds that she is more focused and creative. I can understand the beauty in this and a good breakfast also helps you stay active throughout the day. You’re not tired constantly and you’re energized. I also recommend this for better productivity. Especially on days when you’re not in the zone or a funk. There are always going to be those days when you’re not feeling it and it’s always helpful to stay disciplined and show up the way it’s needed. It doesn’t imply that you force yourself beyond a capacity to push yourself, I do encourage rest and recharge but how often does that happen, that is a very important question and something you need to look at. These are very simple tips, but, they usually help me. Sharing them here, hoping they help you too. If you happen to try any of them and if you liked this article, please write to me and share your experience with me. Don’t get way too serious or let down if you don’t find yourself very productive but don’t give in to excuses and reasons that are unhealthy or learn toward procrastination. Take it slow and find a balance.
- Here's why you should be open to saying how you really are when you're not okay
If I ask you, ‘how are you?’ what is the answer you tend to or are likely to give? I’m okay. I’m fine. I’m well. I’m good. Most of us do it almost automatically. It’s polite to ask and because we don’t want to burden anyone, we respond with a lie when we may not be okay. I’ve often talked about how it’s not okay to show up with a façade. How it’s better to say how you are instead of hiding. I’ve personally felt this so many times and I’ve been practicing this often. When there are times when I genuinely don’t feel good, and upon asking how am I, I’ve often landed up telling people that I’m not okay or things haven’t been good but I’m hopeful, or I’ve been better and I’m navigating through a challenge. The response to my honesty has often not been rewarded with kindness. There have been moments when I’ve been received with a simple, oh okay or a nod or a hmm and it’s all good today I don’t feel upset or bad. Initially, it would rile me up. I felt insulted or started questioning myself and wondered if I was boring or if my problems were petty. I didn’t want pity or sympathy however I was tired of lying and appearing okay when I wasn’t. It was more about me and less about them, I’d slowly started to realize that. Often, I would try to put myself in their shoes and think about how I would react or have reacted in my life when people have truly and genuinely expressed how they’ve felt. I felt that I often did not know the right way to respond to their feelings, so I wouldn’t say much. At times, it felt like a huge responsibility that I didn’t want and I would try to be sympathetic but not involve myself a lot. There were moments I felt they simply wanted to be heard and I was happy to listen. I’ve often wondered how I would’ve come across to people to whom I couldn’t respond in a way that felt right or appropriate. I’m certain there would’ve been a moment when they would’ve thought me to be rude or insensitive. So, I try to also understand that it can be scary for the people at the receiving end to deal with so much responsibility. I no longer feel angry or upset but I also don’t change my response. Being open and honest about how I feel has been amazing in a beautiful way. 6 out of 10 times, I’ve had a great experience and I wanted to share that with you today. a) experience freedom – There’s something so light and calming to simply saying how you feel. As if a load is lifted from your shoulders. Even if the other person is not in a position to help you, there’s a feeling of sanity. A feeling of normalcy that comes from being heard. Often times there’s a lot of shame attached to our feelings and emotions when we’re not okay. When we’re in deep peril and helpless, we feel there’s no one who can understand us. When we express how we really feel, we experience the freedom that brings a lot of peace, if only for a little while. b) a sense of comfort – We’re all vulnerable but we’ve been told that vulnerability is a weakness. Something that we’re not supposed to endure as it makes it appear weak. I’ve always hated the notion of always having to appear strong just so I’m not taken advantage of. It has never made sense to me. I’ve always felt uncomfortable pretending to have it together all the time. I also have come to realize that if someone ‘shows’ to have it together all the time I don’t trust them. I find it very difficult to place my faith in them. It most certainly is a very personal feeling that you may or may not relate to and that’s perfectly okay. In my opinion, expressing how you feel should be comforting. It’s more about you and less about others. It’s okay if you’re not received with the level of sympathy and understanding, you expected or hoped. c) brings you closer – When you’re going through something you tend to withdraw and shut down, making it confusing and allowing people to assume the worst about you. When you express how you feel you give them an opportunity to understand you better. In my experience, it has often brought me closer to people, in my personal life. I’ve had the good fortune of being friends with people who have received me and whom I’ve received so comfortably. Yes, most times it doesn’t go that well, but you can’t expect comfort and closeness from people who don’t possibly understand you or accept you. But what I realized is that not everyone is the same. It’s possible to feel comfortable and connect with certain people. The right people! d) makes you stronger – Imagine how brave it is to be so honest about yourself. To be comfortable with the idea that it’s okay to not have everything together all the time. That’s it’s perfectly okay to be not okay. It made me stronger emotionally by being vulnerable about my life. I appeared confident to the right people. I was complimented for being so connected to myself. For being okay with not being perfect. I received appreciation and praises from people who were supportive. There’s a thin line between being a complainer and being vulnerable. And that’s something only you can figure out. I don’t believe in the concept of positive or negative. I believe in what can be construed as healthy and not healthy. Complaining can be unhealthy for you and for the person you’re complaining to. Being open and vulnerable is healthy as long as you’re expressing yourself. I hope this helps you in some way. If yes, please write to me. I’d love to know more about what you felt and if you’ve had an experience that you’d like to share with me.