Success has always been quite a difficult concept for me to hold on to. I’ve never really been competitive and therefore for me I’ve always believed that it’s okay to go at it your own pace. Often times I feel there’s a lot of pressure on success because most of us still have a lot of myths and beliefs about success that tend to pull us down instead of helping us reach our goals or our desired outcomes.

In my opinion, my perspective on success is very personal. It’s integrated into the values I uphold, the kind of life I ideally aspire to live, the kind of person I am, and the way I’d like to show up in this world. I feel there’s no secret formula to success. Everyone succeeds and feels successful differently. According to me, there’s beauty to that.

And it also makes sense as we’re individuals. We are different at our core and our foundations and experiences are different. It’s only natural that our definition of success will be different from other individuals.

Something I’ve seen in my practice and the people I’ve worked with, when we’ve had a discussion on success, is that most people try to rip off a page from someone else’s success story and I find that really troublesome. It’s completely okay to take inspiration and even find a similarity in the storyline of other people, however, it strips away the path and niche that you need to carve for yourself. I’ve noticed that soon thereafter they also start to feel envious of the people they admire followed by severe burnout.

The reason we admire successful stories is that they created their own paths to success. That is what attracts us to their stories in the first place.

Success for me is fulfilling a purpose. It’s knowing that I’ve added value to someone’s life in whatever format that’s possible. It’s knowing that I’ve contributed a little bit and given back a little bit. I’ve been successful if I adhere to my definition of success. However, if I try to evaluate my success graph based on society and how it appears to the world, I’m still trying to find my ground. I still can’t call myself successful.

In all these years of working and showing up each day, I’ve realized that each time I try to follow the success graph that society has drawn, I feel a major disconnect in my core. There’s a sense of impatience and anxiety in me that starts to build up. But the more I stick to the definition of success that speaks more to how I perceive it, I’m fueled with energy and love, and joy. And almost miraculously, I tend to attract my deepest and most basic desires.

So, I want to pause here for a minute and ask you -

What is your definition of success?

When do you truly feel as if you’ve succeeded?

In this article, I want to list down the myths about success that I feel tend to pull us down. You may or may not agree with them all. However, these myths are based on my practice as a coach and therapist and my own personal life.

Myths about success

1. Perfection is the key – I think this myth interfered a lot with how I went about things initially, especially when I wanted to get started on something that felt was my calling. I always would look at other people and see how they seemed to have it all figured out and I had started to think that I need to have it all figured out and be perfect even before I get started and only then will I achieve success that I want. Naturally, perfection is never the key. It’s the biggest myth. I see a lot of people afraid to get started with something because they look for perfection. I’ve always followed the slow progress method and that has helped me feel successful. Today when I feel a little disconnected from success or if I feel that I could be doing better, or the outcome I expect is not happening the way I want, I allow myself to look at the progress I’ve made and the way things have turned out in my life.

   
   

Each time I speak to clients about success and I see them giving up after a few setbacks, I understand their frustration and I understand their need to not want to try again. But I remind them that with every setback, they’re learning something new. They’ve made a little progress. They’re getting closer. And that shift in perspective about progress, not perfection helps them realign with their goals and their path.

Journal – If you’ve been experiencing setbacks and feel like giving up, on a piece of paper write down the lessons you learned with each setback. What if you let go of the need to get it right in the first go, or let go of the fear of setbacks, how can that help you in your goals and your journey?

2. I need another degree/course to succeed – This is something I hear a lot of times. I personally had this experience back when I was struggling to get a job and I thought maybe I need to do something more in order to succeed and excel in my field. I work with a lot of creatives who didn’t necessarily go to an art school or didn’t take a photography course and didn’t have any education in designing or in a writing degree but they’re still successful in the work they do. They still manage to make a living very beautifully. I’ve known and worked with people who made a switch in their careers just because they wanted to satiate their creative passion without any prior education.

   
   

I think this conventional mindset that most of us have about education has its own pros and cons, however, in my opinion, I don’t think it’s an important criterion for success. I value education and learning. I’m not against anyone who wants to or needs to get another degree for their career. But it’s not a shortcut to achieving success. Perhaps a course or an education will hone your skills in many ways but it doesn’t guarantee success. What really does the trick is how talented or passionate you are in all that you do. The amount of time and energy you actually put into improving and applying all that you’ve learned is what determines how successful you will be. Perhaps all that you have right now is enough and maybe what you really need to focus on is applying all that information and knowledge in the most productive way possible to achieve the success that you desire.

Journal – What are the skills you already have right now that can help you in achieving success? What skills would you like to improve and work on? How will another course/degree help you on your path to success?

3. More money means more success – This is easily the most difficult myth to move on from. In a very normal way, success is usually attributed to material accomplishments and financial growth. In a very superficial sense, the more you have the more successful you are called. Ideally, it’s a myth because financial success is never a straight line. There’s no telling how your financial graph is going to go with each passing day. Sometimes you may have good days and sometimes you may experience days of stagnation. We tend to place a lot of our self-worth on the amount of money we have. If we don’t achieve those financial goals our self-worth tends to take a hit.

   
   

Money is a tool and is essential for a living. However, it doesn’t define our capabilities or our growth or our accomplishments, or our sense of self-worth. This is something that I have to remind myself of every day. Having a certain amount of money gives a sense of security and helps to sustain the kind of lifestyle I’d like to live but it can never really define my values or strengths or my beliefs or even what truly makes me happy. There have been days when I haven’t really earned money but I’ve felt successful. Weirdly the less pressure I put on money I tend to attract more abundance, joy, and peace and that makes me feel very successful as a person.

Journal – What part does money play in your life? If money wasn’t important, how would you then define your success? If you had all the money in the world currently, would you call yourself confident and fulfilled?

4. Success is about the future – I’ve seen a lot of people miss out on life currently because they’re constantly living in the future in their minds and thoughts. They’re constantly worrying about the future. I’ve heard people say once I achieve this then I’ll be able to live and do all the things I always wanted to do. Once I earn this amount of money, I’ll be able to finally be happy. With this kind of thinking I think we tend to experience burnout a lot faster and more often. Success as a concept is more about the present. It’s ongoing.

   
   

What you do today makes a lot of difference in your future for sure but the key is to enjoy the smaller progresses and success you experience every day. I think there is a different kind of joy in looking at success in smaller chunks as opposed to the one big piece that’s far away in the future. In my opinion, when you put a lot of pressure on the future it tends to seem further away, and when you break down success into smaller daily accomplishments it adds a lot of value to what you’re trying to accomplish. It also helps and makes it easier to show up each day.

Journal – How can you break down success each day? What have you already accomplished that would make you feel successful? What worries about the future tend to hold you back from living your life today? Is there a way you can change that mindset?

5. Success should be constant – Time and again I’ve needed this reminder for me that success is not going to be a straight line or smooth. There will be a lot of ups and downs and moments of self-doubt and confusion will creep in and all of that is a part of the success journey. It’s also essential to experience success in all its forms and formats, that is to say, enjoy the curvy lines and the straight lines. This myth that success should be a constant in our lives honestly made me very unhappy. It made me want to compare myself to other people, I had days of worry coupled with exhaustion and depletion. The more I accepted that success will have a very different graph than what I expected, the more I started to stay hopeful even during the days that were not ideally my most successful days.

   
   

When you look back at your own journey, you’ll notice that most of the time, the graph of success had more lows than highs and we still managed to reach where we ideally envisioned ourselves. This notion that it’s okay when the graph is low helps me stay hopeful that it will rise again. Even though I don’t feel successful today, tomorrow things will change. Failure is just as seasonal. Once the pressure is off, I can concentrate on the things that motivate me and encourage me.

Journal – What are the things that didn’t work today? What did this failure/rejection/obstacle teach you or what message did it give you? What is the big picture you’d like to work towards every day? What small success/accomplishment would you like to celebrate today?

6. Glorifying the need to struggle to be successful – I remember a client once said to me that even though things aren’t going well and she doesn’t feel successful, she’s feeling calm and at peace and she felt that was completely wrong. She felt that she should be worrying and crying and panicking about all the delays and failures. This is a really big myth that has been imposed on us from the get-go. To be successful, one needs to struggle. Doesn’t matter if that struggle is mental, emotional, physical, or even creative and spiritual. Struggle is a necessity. It somehow becomes this tool of measure in order to see how successful one is. The more the struggle the more one can call themselves successful.

   
   

But when we can accept that struggle is really just our reaction to things that haven’t been going to our plan and that it’s not a necessity in order to feel successful, it passes. Calmness takes over and we start to think with a clear mind. Success can be simple and easy and an everyday phenomenon. Especially when we chunk it down by focusing on today instead of the future, the idea of struggle reduces.

In my opinion, struggle is a mindset blockage that we indulge in as a defense. It’s easier to say we aren’t succeeding because we’re still struggling instead of saying, success is right around the corner, and this season/phase is going to pass and it’s temporary. In many ways, struggle becomes our comfort zone.

Journal – If you had to redefine struggle how would you do that? In what way are you hiding behind the concept of struggle? What are some of the accomplishments you’ve been ignoring?

7. The need to be cut-throat to succeed – When I heard this one, honestly it really baffled me. I was shocked to my core because it was the most disturbing of the myths of success I had come across. Often times when it comes to success, I’ve known people to idolize other successful people and I’ve often seen people idolize people who “appear” a certain way. They look too buttoned up and have a demeanor that says they are probably too busy and don’t come across as approachable. They have a poker face and in short, they appear just too cut-throat. I’ve often had clients tell me, I want to be like that and only then will I feel successful.

   
   

This has always made me feel very uncomfortable because, in my own practice, I’ve come across people who are entrepreneurs and essentially bosses and they have a demeanor that’s approachable and friendly. They have the best team and they’re very successful in their careers and businesses. The term boss-bitch is thrown around as an important synonym for success and I have a big problem with that.

I’ve believed that one is successful when they’re more grounded and approachable. When they’re in alignment with their values and treat other people with respect. I feel that empathy and connection are huge and necessary attributes for success.

Journal – In your opinion, what does a successful person look like? What are their biggest attributes and character traits? What are the important traits a person should ideally have to feel successful?

8. Compassion ruins success – In my opinion, It’s actually the opposite. Compassion has been one of the most important attributes towards success. I’ve come across a lot of people who I respect and who are successful and so compassionate with not only themselves but also the people around them. I think compassion is a beautiful quality that is attractive. It may take time for it to fully flower and bring in the kind of success that is long-lasting. It’s something I often teach my clients too. Compassion is often misunderstood as vulnerability, which is also an amazing quality to have to be successful. As human beings, these qualities are often considered as weak, and the idea that one needs to be cut-throat (what we busted in the previous myth).

   
   

Compassion helps you build connections and helps you stay grounded. Self-compassion helps you become more resilient and patient. It’s important to also have healthy boundaries as a way to not get overly attached. Compassion always has amazing results. You attract better people and experiences in your life. You feel more confident to express yourself.

Journal – In what way can compassion help you grow? In what way has compassion added value to your success or made you feel successful? What boundaries do you think will help you express and invite more compassion in your life freely and without hesitation?

There are days when I don’t find the motivation and everything feels pointless and meaningless. And each time I come back to what success really means to me. How I tend to define success for my growth. One thing I’ve always preached and followed is the importance of embracing one’s own pace. We all have a pace and there’s no competition regarding who may reach the finishing line first.

One thing that success has taught me is that it’s never going to feel enough. In the realm of success, satisfaction is not always found. We feel we could be doing better. We set new goals as soon as we’ve accomplished the previous one. We’re always on the go. It’s not a good thing or a bad thing it’s just how we’re made and built.

I hope the journal prompts help you bust some of the myths that could be holding you back from getting started or continuing on your journey. I hope this article encourages you to embrace your own pace in the most graceful manner. I hope you let go of any pressure you’ve been putting on yourself and allow success to reach you with the least resistance.

Thank you for stopping by and for reading. Hope this article serves you and guides you in the best way possible. If you liked this article or resonated with it, it would be a big help if you could like it and even rate it. In case you work on the prompts, please feel free to leave a comment or email me or DM me on Instagram